Guy Ritchie: "Hey Ryan, it's Guy."
Ryan: "Fuck you. What do you want, guy?"
Guy Ritchie: "Did you just call me 'guy?' Like, lowercase?"
Ryan: "Yeah I did, buddy."
Guy Ritchie: "I'm not your buddy, friend."
Ryan: "I'm not your friend, jackass, and I'm hanging up now."
Guy Ritchie: "Wait. I'm sorry."
Ryan: "For what? Marrying Madonna? Revolver? Swept Away? All the ways in which you've squandered your artistic gifts since 2001?"
Guy Ritchie: "Right. All of those."
Ryan: "Cause you know she's fucking A-Rod right now, right?"
Guy Ritchie: "Right. Yeah I know. But, I wanted to say..."
Ryan: "Like she had talent when she sang 'Crazy for You' in Vision Quest. But that four minutes shit with Justin Timberlake? Seriously dude, are you just like on a huge bender and have permanent beer goggles..."
[audible stifled beer tears]
Guy Ritchie: "Yes. Look man, I'm sorry, but I'm here to make amends."
Ryan: "Go on."
Guy Ritchie: "Well I wrote and directed a movie and it's pretty great. I realized I need to get some real pussy again, so I decided to create some real art."
Ryan: "Word. Good to hear. Statham? Some women?"
Guy Ritchie: "Nope. Fuck Statham, he's old news. And yeah, the women are gorgeous - the chick from MI-2 and Crash, and the latest Bond girl. But the main characters are pretty badass."
[finally excited]
Ryan: "Who motherfucker?!"
Guy Ritchie: "Ludacris, Carmine Falcone from Batman, and that skinny dude who looks like a chick in Sweeney Todd."
Ryan: "Fuck y.."
Guy Ritchie: "Oh yeah, also ARI GOLD, KING LEONIDAS, and STRINGER MOTHERFUCKIN' BELL."
FUCK MOTHERFUCKING ROCKNROLLA FUCK AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER- FINALLY-GOT-HIS-SHIT-TOGETHER!
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3 comments:
For Christs God damn sake piker. Copying a Dane Cook joke in the first few lines? Who are you? Carlos Mencia? Fucks sake, this blog has been around for like a month and you have already hit rock bottom.
Wow, Joe. Thanks for taking time out of your busy week of "working" to comment. I didn't think you'd be able to fit it in with all that time you spend at the fours ordering miller lites and "buffalo tendahs".
Sean,
you should feel blessed that i take the time to grace your little website with my presence when I could be at the fours in buffalo tender heaven.
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