Guy Ritchie Called, He Wants His Soul Back

Guy Ritchie: "Hey Ryan, it's Guy."

Ryan: "Fuck you. What do you want, guy?"

Guy Ritchie: "Did you just call me 'guy?' Like, lowercase?"

Ryan: "Yeah I did, buddy."

Guy Ritchie: "I'm not your buddy, friend."

Ryan: "I'm not your friend, jackass, and I'm hanging up now."

Guy Ritchie: "Wait. I'm sorry."

Ryan: "For what? Marrying Madonna? Revolver? Swept Away? All the ways in which you've squandered your artistic gifts since 2001?"

Guy Ritchie: "Right. All of those."

Ryan: "Cause you know she's fucking A-Rod right now, right?"

Guy Ritchie: "Right. Yeah I know. But, I wanted to say..."

Ryan: "Like she had talent when she sang 'Crazy for You' in Vision Quest. But that four minutes shit with Justin Timberlake? Seriously dude, are you just like on a huge bender and have permanent beer goggles..."

[audible stifled beer tears]

Guy Ritchie: "Yes. Look man, I'm sorry, but I'm here to make amends."

Ryan: "Go on."

Guy Ritchie: "Well I wrote and directed a movie and it's pretty great. I realized I need to get some real pussy again, so I decided to create some real art."

Ryan: "Word. Good to hear. Statham? Some women?"

Guy Ritchie: "Nope. Fuck Statham, he's old news. And yeah, the women are gorgeous - the chick from MI-2 and Crash, and the latest Bond girl. But the main characters are pretty badass."
[finally excited]

Ryan: "Who motherfucker?!"

Guy Ritchie: "Ludacris, Carmine Falcone from Batman, and that skinny dude who looks like a chick in Sweeney Todd."

Ryan: "Fuck y.."

Guy Ritchie: "Oh yeah, also ARI GOLD, KING LEONIDAS, and STRINGER MOTHERFUCKIN' BELL."


FUCK MOTHERFUCKING ROCKNROLLA FUCK AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER- FINALLY-GOT-HIS-SHIT-TOGETHER!