Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Quotes and cool shit to read for the last post


"Stop going for the easy buck and start producing something with your life. Create, instead of living off the buying and selling of others." - Wall Street (film)

I'll touch on this one again in a later post, cause it's not totally accurate - true creation in finance does exists and benefits all the stakeholders involved, but the general idea is correct, and true financial creation clearly hasn't been around much lately.

Sam Sheridan has this to say at the end of his book "A Fighter's Heart:"

"I do not believe that men were meant for games, that that is their highest purpose. Work is nobler than play. I believe that men were meant for work, that their highest calling is to build, not destroy or even protect. Learning to fight, trying to embody the virtues of the hunter and the warrior - these things are useful and important, even essential. But don't be content with being a warrior, be a builder as well. Make something. The true calling of a man, real manhood, is about creation, not destruction, and everyone secretly knows it."

"As artists and professionals it is our obligation to enact our own internal revolution, a private insurrection inside our own skulls. In this uprising we free ourselves from the tyranny of consumer culture. We overthrow the programming of advertising, movies, video games, magazines, TV, and MTV by which we have been hypnotized from the cradle. We unplug ourselves from the grid by recognizing that we will never cure our restlessness by contributing our disposable income to the bottom line of Bullshit, Inc., but only by doing our work." - Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Laborem Excercens - Catholic assertion that our work likens us to god in that we've earned our daily bread to live off of, and that we create stuff

Objectivism - kinda the same, that we actually are our gods though, and the world and resources in it exists for us to manipulate and improve

Howard Roark's speech at the end of The Fountainhead

You are what you do - Ryan Clark Holiday; and 90% of everything else hes written.

Success and Motivation - Mark Cuban

Monday, September 22, 2008

In Praise of the Artist

In Praise of the Artist - Nemo vir est qui mundum non reddat meliorem.

A buddy of mine just moved into his first house, and over beers he talked about all the little projects he'd been working on - assembling furniture, fixing bath fixtures, generally building or improving little things around his home. All those projects you got to help your father with as a kid, he gets to do on his own for the first time. We talked about how rewarding it feels to successfully to complete things like this - to acquire tools and materials, the resources around you - then to add the most important piece, your own labor. To stand back and look at the fruits of your efforts and say, before my work, my input, this creation didn't exist. And now, because of its existence, the world (that I've defined) is better than it used to be.

The latin quote for the title literally translates - A man is nobody, who does not give back a better world. You cant get all kinds of eloquent with the meaning, in Kingdom of Heaven (a hugely underrated movie) Orlando Bloom as Bailin of Ibelin says it's "What man is a man, who does not make the world a better place?" As we begin to enter a period of financial instability that my generation has never seen anything close to, the importance of this sentiment rings truer than ever if we don't want this sort of thing to happen again. As tons of college sophomores switch their majors from finance and econ to marketing and basket-weaving, we'll have to rethink a lot of our old assumptions. And so many more recent graduates will fall into this fallacy. I'm not advocating quitting every business job and reverting to some fuedal, hippie-style, greenpeace, screw technology, self-sustaining farmland nonsense existence. Rational self-interest is still the most important virtue or ideal you can pursue, but it has to create some sort of world utility that's bigger than yourself. Ask yourself if what you're doing is really the work you owe the world. If it's not, figure out what's wrong, understand why, and work to change it. It really is that simple.

Artists and engineers, they figured out all of this much more quickly than the rest of us. Da Vinci was a total badass. Throughout history, every positivie cultural, technological, or physical improvements have come from giving in to this innate calling. Nearly every technological innovation we now utilize and often take for granted came about because some entreprenuer acted in his own self-interest. The fact that society gained some utility from it and he got paid off is merely a nice and well-deserved corrollary. The desire to create and improve is innate - everyone feels it. The greatest tragedy, is going through your entire life having fully given into the Resistance, and never proffering the world whatever creativity you have inside. Do your work and add value to the world. Anything else you might want; family, fame, money, power, women, whatever, all that will follow accordingly.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Race - Below the Hard Deck

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Every year the town next to us hosts an annual Thanksgiving Day Road Race. It's fun as hell, people get dressed up in all sorts of ridiculous costumes, the non-runners go to the bars that line the course at 9am and get a good buzz going to cheer us on, and New England weather remains its unpredictable self - some years it's 60 degrees and sunny, some years it's six inches of snow and still falling. It's been a fun tradition for my family, and it now includes my east-coast-converted cousins. But, it's especially important between Sean and I, as were the most competitive of the entire group.

Every year, a few months before the race, we start shit-talking on facebook, placing bets, demeaning each other's athletic abilities, calling each other bitches, etc. And unfortunately, while am I much better at smack-talk, I ALWAYS lose the race. Like, always. And it's usually not even close. I always claim that I didn't try, or that I didn't actually care and wanted to hang back and run with a friend or something, some bullshit to make his win seem less important. But in reality, I always do that "acquiesce to defeat" shit before it even starts. I know I can't beat him, so I don't actually try to run fast. Here's the excuses I hide behind:

While we are both good athletes, Sean is more of a natural runner; tall, lean. Sean has actually run for his athletic career: cross-country, basketball, soccer, etc. Contrast all that to me, I'm shorter, stronger, more of the mesomorph-type body. My sports were always along the lines of football and wrestling. Short explosive bursts, rather than prolonged running. Certainly not ideal to win in a five-mile race. (In the subsequent family pick-up football game and wrestling matches during the day I kick his ass, but those are like exhibition events.)

So, this year, it's different. I'm actually going to train to run. I've done some running in the past, never a lot, and never stuck with it seriously enough for any real gains, though. This time will be different. I will post everything in this semi-public forum, so that way I have a lot more accountability to stick to this. I will post my training and times and whatever else, all throughout from now until Nov. 27th. Sean can do the same, or just comment occasionally, it's up to him. And, of course, we will talk a lot of shit along the way. Should be fun, feel free to offer any encouraging, destructive, or helpful tips along the way.

Since this isn't really what this blog is about, it will be on a seperate side blog, the title of which is the ultimate comeback to anyone who's said they won. Below the hard deck does not count.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

B. Pike - youngest of the pike brothers, movie buff, and the one and only reader of this blog has a guest post with his review of the The Dark Knight, and it's awesome - my response to come at the end. [Spoilers like woah, but if you haven't seen this movie yet, stop reading and go buy a ticket.]

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Christians regained faith in god after watching The Passion; I regained faith in god after watching The Dark Knight. To describe the experience I had on July 18, at 12:05 AM, is nearly impossible, but I will make a feeble attempt at doing it justice. Roughly 1 year ago, I began reading the buzz on a sequel to what was the greatest Batman movie of all time, Batman Begins. Christian Bale was returning to don the cape and cowl, Michael Cane the cummerbund, Gary Oldman the badge, and Morgan Freeman the bowtie. We then learn that the role of Harvey Dent will be played by Aaron Eckhart, to which the “internet” responds rather kindly, but now the question jaunting movie-buffs’ and fanboys’ minds is who will be staggering into the purple suit of the clown prince of crime. Throughout the web, you could read the suggestions of those who believe they know so much more than the professional casting directors, Crispin Glover, Paul Bettany, and you could even read “If Jack Nicholson doesn’t reprise his role, I’m boycotting the film.” Everyone was so set on who they wanted as the Joker and despite all the blabber; Christopher Nolan made the decision that slapped all those jackasses right in their pimply faces, Heath Ledger.

The moment his name was mentioned, the internet was in flames: “Brokeback Batman, 10 Things I Hate About Gotham" and many more unoriginal fooling statements. I read the decision and mulled it over in my mind for some time, before finally IMing (remember when AIM was cool?) my eldest brother “R. Pike” and we were in agreement that Heath's portrayal had the potential to be awesome, but also the chance to be disastrous. How wrong we were, we should be lashed for having even a shadow of a doubt, but there is some light within my shame, that all those naysayers castrated themselves after downloading the pirated version (I both love and despise the internet).

Ledger’s performance was something I had never seen before on screen, the 'mis en scene' that was created was remarkable, because every time he walked into a room there was an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach, whether it was a new tale about his scars or the eerie and unsettling score by Hans Zimmer. Unfortunately for his fellow thespians his astounding presence left them in shadows of greatness so vast no one could shine. I've even heard ludicrous accounts that Bale was overrated, and that he was nothing compared to Ledger.

You simply cannot compare Ledger and Bale, because he's playing Bruce Wayne with everything the character has to offer, while The Joker has innumerable layers and facets of his psychosis to delve into; which is something no popular cinematic character has ever had. If Bale was playing The Joker it would have been fantastic as well, he's a phenomenal actor, and he simply had exhausted all of the resources of his character. Aaron Eckhart was great at playing the political idealist, and when he is presented to us, you can't help but believe in him, he's a political Batman, and he's not hiding in shadows. He's also very aware of the risks of his job, yet still performs his duties to the fullest, he is truly The White Knight, but white is easily stained.

Dent's catalyst SPOILER ALERT is the death of his one true love, Rachel Dawes. After this moment everything Dent had was lost, she was the thread that held his life together, and when it was plucked he fell into madness, which proves he was weaker than Bruce Wayne, who managed to keep himself together after the death of his parents. The Joker explains to Dent that his plan to defeat crime and injustice was impossible, because chaos is a basic and necessary part of nature. The question now left buzzing around my head is did the Joker win, ultimately Dent's reputation was saved due to the sacrifice of Batman's, yet Batman still broke his one rule he, intentionally or unintenionally, caused the death of Harvey Dent, who had to die to remain pure, but nevertheless Dent’s blood is on his hands.

Needless to say there were some errors in the means of telling the story, the main one being the confusion between Batman going to save Rachel and winding up saving Dent, which I have surmised to be The Joker playing with his mind and switching up the addresses. There are also some mistakes with how they convey how many people Dent killed, Gordon claims it was five, I count four maybe three, Detective Wuertz, one of Maroni's bodyguard, which you can quickly see Dent dispatching of before Maroni gets in the car, Maroni's driver, and I'm assuming Maroni. Like most movies - and always with comic book movies you have to suspend disbelief to enjoy it. This comic book movie just happens to have the most real fantastical premises we have ever seen. Simply because a movie has flaws, does not mean it can't be the best of all time. Perfection in art is impossible. But its progress, (the pursuit of perfection) can be marked and measured easily. Clearly, The Dark Knight has gotten us one step closer to that unreachable goal. Hopefully all of the flash will be trimmed when this bitch gets released on DVD, I can't wait, seeing as I've already seen it 5 times and counting.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

What Do You Celebrate?

St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Society of Jesus, has one of most interesting stories of all the saints. His "Spiritual Exercises" is a brilliant and profound process that the Jesuits still practice today. As a young man he served as a courtier and soldier for a Duke in 16th century Spain. The definitive account of his lifestyle during this time remains under some debate, but scholars and historians widely agree that he wasn't exactly a man of God. Womanizing, boozing, fighting, and adventure-seeking with the military held the most of his interest. Often described as feral, he would even grow out his hair and fingernails to maintain a more fearsome presence on the battlefield. A self-proclaimed sinner, he obsessed with the notions of glory and military victories, and his leadership and diplomatic skills far exceeded those of the men around him. Despite his ferocity, he managed to avoid all manner of injury yet still participating in many battles. All in all, he was a badass. Until one battle, a French [mother-effers] cannonball rocketed through his legs, taking a calf from one and shattering the knee of the other.

True to his nature, as he lay bed-ridden and bored, he elected to undergo some very painful surgeries, but infection set in and the doctors deemed his death imminent. Somehow, miraculously if you like, he recovered within days. Now faced with months of rehabilitation and a goal to regain his ambulatory ability, he called for his books of romanticism and tales of chivalry, but none were found. Instead he'd been given religious texts on Jesus and the all the saints of the time. He began to see these men through the prism of his own competitive spirit and emulous nature, and he competed against the men in the pages from his own bed with thoughts of "I could fast longer than he..." or "I could live more frugally than this pilgrim in his desert."
This motif, the idea of overcoming one's former self in service to something greater, resonates through his "Spiritual Exercises" and exists as his concept long before Nietschze and his notion of the "Superman" and the "Will to Power" ever came along.

The Examen process serves as the most renown and purposeful of the Jesuit exercises, and can be performed in minutes, even multiple times in a day. The abridged version holds these three steps:
"What brings me closer to God? What drives me further away? Where am I now in relation to Him?" As you continue the process, in days, weeks, months and years, your answers grow more plentiful to the first question, and fewer to the second, all serving to bring you closer to God.

For the sake of the other like-minded atheists or moderate agnostics we proffer this secular version:


What do I celebrate?
What do I disdain?
What must I do to rid my world of the former and move toward the latter?


What do you celebrate?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Stringer Bell, Chicago School of Economics

Adam Smith called smugglers heroes - men who sought to offer the price of their goods without any added expenses for whatever regulating body tried to get involved. Less costly from the supplier, less expensive for the buyer, and therefore more goods to be bought and sold at a fair price for all parties included. With no middlemen (who don't add any value) creating useless additional costs, the smuggler offers the truest and fairest price of a good or service.

All throughout the hit show the Wire, Stringer remains the most business smart, calculating man in the series. A’s on his microeconomic courses, likens himself to a CEO, discusses markets and strategy with his professors, has to explain shit all the time to his subordinates. Even after his death, McNulty finds a copy of A Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations. But the coolest part, is his true adherence to principles of the Chicago school. Straight up, no bullshit, neoclassical, conservative, Chicago school econ. (The conventional definition of conservative, not Milton's. Friedman, accurately, always called himself a liberal.) While he’s had no remorse in eliminating business threats through violent means (hostile takeovers,) after his empirical analysis, he does generally shift toward a total Laissez–Faire, market-forces-only operation during the co-op period with Proposition Joe. He tries to use those increased profits to look into some legitimate business deals under the direction of the senator Clay Davis, but sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit, he becomes frustrated with the highly regulated, bureaucratic process of these legit ventures. Lo and behold, he gets hoodwinked by a corrupt politician. (Every conservative economist's nightmare.)

On the streets, interestingly enough, the blood-thirsty, bellicose, power-hungry Avon Barksdale is actually the liberal, in favor of larger government, increased regulations (by his own weapons and ferocity) that fuck up natural market forces. Avon's interference with the market equilibrium destroys value, when there’d actually be larger real societal gains (more drugs and money for all) if he left it alone.

But still, ya know, drugs are bad.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Guy Ritchie Called, He Wants His Soul Back

Guy Ritchie: "Hey Ryan, it's Guy."

Ryan: "Fuck you. What do you want, guy?"

Guy Ritchie: "Did you just call me 'guy?' Like, lowercase?"

Ryan: "Yeah I did, buddy."

Guy Ritchie: "I'm not your buddy, friend."

Ryan: "I'm not your friend, jackass, and I'm hanging up now."

Guy Ritchie: "Wait. I'm sorry."

Ryan: "For what? Marrying Madonna? Revolver? Swept Away? All the ways in which you've squandered your artistic gifts since 2001?"

Guy Ritchie: "Right. All of those."

Ryan: "Cause you know she's fucking A-Rod right now, right?"

Guy Ritchie: "Right. Yeah I know. But, I wanted to say..."

Ryan: "Like she had talent when she sang 'Crazy for You' in Vision Quest. But that four minutes shit with Justin Timberlake? Seriously dude, are you just like on a huge bender and have permanent beer goggles..."

[audible stifled beer tears]

Guy Ritchie: "Yes. Look man, I'm sorry, but I'm here to make amends."

Ryan: "Go on."

Guy Ritchie: "Well I wrote and directed a movie and it's pretty great. I realized I need to get some real pussy again, so I decided to create some real art."

Ryan: "Word. Good to hear. Statham? Some women?"

Guy Ritchie: "Nope. Fuck Statham, he's old news. And yeah, the women are gorgeous - the chick from MI-2 and Crash, and the latest Bond girl. But the main characters are pretty badass."
[finally excited]

Ryan: "Who motherfucker?!"

Guy Ritchie: "Ludacris, Carmine Falcone from Batman, and that skinny dude who looks like a chick in Sweeney Todd."

Ryan: "Fuck y.."

Guy Ritchie: "Oh yeah, also ARI GOLD, KING LEONIDAS, and STRINGER MOTHERFUCKIN' BELL."


FUCK MOTHERFUCKING ROCKNROLLA FUCK AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER- FINALLY-GOT-HIS-SHIT-TOGETHER!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

"I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me." Jack Nicholson, The Departed

One of the best opening movie quotes to one of my favorite movies. This quote stirs up reminders of people who were not products of their environment, but rose well above society's feeble expectations to achieve great things. There are countless examples in history, between Mark Twain, Andrew Carnegie, Ted Turner, and though his leadership as President was questionable; Jimmy Carter. Here we have four people whose ambition and determination superceded any obstacle that stood to hold them back. Samuel Clemens was born into a very poor family in Missippi and had very little formal education. How is it that he was able to become one of the most respected writers of all time and as Hemingway called him "the father of American literature"? How is it that his witticisms and observations were so profound, unique, and intelligent that there is a perennial humor award in his honor?

Twain, while obviously very intelligent, knew that in order to achieve his goals he had to work dilligently, specialize and focus. When he wanted to be a river boat captain (a profession that led him to his penname) he studied chart after chart on the Mississippi River so that he would know every shallow point, every threatening rock. This effort and focus ensured his success as a river boat pilot. It is unsettling to hear about people being unable to rise above their means or that society inherently holds people down. It is said that when Twain was young, all he wanted to do was be a river boat pilot. Unlike most, this dream never wavered and was ultimately achieved. As for Twain becoming a literary giant, his formula was simple, "Write what you know about." Funny, he never seemed to discuss croutons, probably for the best. In any case, Twain is the archetype of the self made man. Rather than look at the world as cruel and unsupportive of individual success, he used the tools that were available to learn and read and soak up as much as he possibly could. Twain spent countless hours pouring over volumes of every literary topic imaginable in the New York Public Library.

"You wasted one hundred and fifty grand on an education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library"

This Good Will Hunting quote embodies the path Twain took. He didn't have the means to go to a place like Oxford, Harvard, or Yale, and while he was eventually awarded honorary degrees from these institutions, he took advantage of the best asset available to him; public libraries. Public libraries are such powerful tools that it is alarming how few people actually take the time to go there and make use of it. Twain summed it perfectly, a sort of motto for autodidacts, "I've never let my schooling interfere with my education."

Many consider Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead to be one of the best, most profound books in the past century, and I would concur. However, while many see redeeming qualities in the tragic hero that is Roark, I think the most important paragraph is when Gail Wynand concludes that the main difference between succesful and unsuccessful people is "books". Successful people are well read. Unsuccessful people are not. While this formula does not apply to every situation or circumstance, there is much more to be gained from turning the the TV off, picking up a book than from watching re-runs of Scrubs. Something incredibly simple, but still an elusive process for most. As I said earlier, Jimmy Carter isn't exactly my favorite President. But Carter grew up on a farm in Georgia, and clearly had ambition to burn. His appetite for reading was unprecedented and he claims to have read every book in the public library in his hometown. He went from being the son of a farmer to a President, albeit a poor one, to a Nobel Peace Prize Winner. Not bad at all.

"It is another of the miraculous things about mankind that there is no pain or passion that does not radiate to the ends of the Earth. Let a man in a garret but burn enough intensity and he will set fire to the world."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand, and Stars


In other words, I have no sympathy for people who resign to their circumstances without giving an honest, hard-nosed try to break out. When you hear children speak about wanting to be movie stars, doctors, or astronauts, it's inspiring to see that much hope, though it is so often dismissed for naievete. But what happens that makes people suddenly drop those dreams or slowly learn to settle for something that is nowhere near what they had hoped to become? You can pour over Coelho's The Alchemist and get that inspiring chip back, but without serious effort, and an intense focus on exactly what you want, it just isn't going to happen. The inevitable argument is that most people do not have enough time to pursue what they really want because they are so busy working two jobs to support themselves. Perseverance and focus will not bend to the hurdles and obstructions such as work schedule. I've been told stories of people who took jobs in garages and still found time to study and graduate with a degree in electrical engineering, who lived in fear of oil drips that would ruin their books.

The bottom line is, no autonomous person will be a victim of the world until they choose to be swallowed by mediocrity. Whether you have to tackle a few shelves at the local library, audit some night courses, or simply shut off the blackberry for a while, it is easy to see that most limits and setbacks are self-imposed and can be surpassed.
Further Reading:

Monday, August 11, 2008

Suicide Bombers and Pussy

Generation Kill is an incredibly awesome mini-series - not that you'd expect anything less from David Simon, Ed Burns and co. The writing, acting, and most importantly, story are nearly perfect. And by the end of it, the Godfather will either place or show in my ultimate badass heirarchy: Stringer Bell, Batman, Forrest Griffin.

Besides badassery, another of my favored values is of course, unapologetic sarcasm. This rant is fucking brilliant. The dialog is between Cpl. Josh Ray Person (Ziggy Sabotka on the Wire) and the reporter from the Rolling Stone.

"Oh, there's layers of retardation that most people don't even know about. You should quote me on that. Look at this shit. How come we can't ever invade a cool country...like chicks in bikinis, you know? How come countries like that don't ever need Marines? I'll tell you why. It's lack of pussy that fucks countries up. Lack of pussy is the root fucking cause of all global instability. If more hajjis were getting quality pussy, there'd be no reason for us to come over here and fuck them up like this. 'Cause a nut-busted hajji is a happy hajji."

"It's an interesting theory though."

"Yeah, you should quote me on it. Matter of fact, you should definitely quote me on it. This whole fucking thing, it comes down to pussy. Look, if you took the Republican guard, comped their asses in Vegas for a weekend, no more fucking war."

"So this war isn't about oil or WMDs?"

"No. In the opinion of this Marine, it's about pussy."

"And it's not about Saddam?"

"Saddam's just part of the problem. Look if Saddam invested more in the pussy infrastructure of Iraq than he did on his fucking gay-ass army, than this country would be no more fucked up than say, Mexico."


Awesome. And as we well know, stuff is funny cause it's true. Check out #4 in this article written by the evolutionary psychologists Alan S. Miller Ph.D. & Satoshi Kanazawa Ph.D.

Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

"So polygyny increases competitive pressure on men, especially young men of low status. It therefore increases the likelihood that young men resort to violent means to gain access to mates. By doing so, they have little to lose and much to gain compared with men who already have wives. Across all societies, polygyny makes men violent, increasing crimes such as murder and rape, even after controlling for such obvious factors as economic development, economic inequality, population density, the level of democracy, and political factors in the region."

Christ, even a FRENCH writer pointed this out way back when in like 1930. From Antoine de Saint-Exupery's Wind, Sand and Stars (great book, Outside magazines #1 adventure, Nat'l Geographic's # 3.)

"In Paris," [the Moors] said, "you walk through a crowd of a thousand people. You stare at them. And nobody carries a rifle!"

"You take one Moor from each tribe," they went on. "You take him to the circus. And nevermore will tribes of Er-Reguibat make war on the French."

Pre-sexual revolution, but the point remains the same. Deny people that which is natural, healthy and good (and the freedom and opportunity to pursue these things) and you get violent and destructive backlash.

Further reading:
Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters
Generation Kill
Tons of shit I haven't read yet and admittedly don't know enough about this topic, but it's worth learning.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Fuck Croutons

write what you hate

"...another variant on the old chestnut of writing what you know. There are numerous sensible folks out there that have pointed out that writing what you know should not be literally interpreted as writing about your life or about your exact experiences. A broader and more useful interpretation is to use your emotional experiences to help drive your characters. And here’s where I come to the crux of writing what you hate. Hatred and anger are emotions like any other. They may be ugly and very not nice, but they are real. Everybody feels it (whether they admit it or not). Everybody has different pushbuttons that set them off–and most often we’re not in a position to really do anything sensible to blow off steam. So what am I to do with all this pent up angst and fury? Well, I’ll tell you. I’m going to go vilely murder someone. On paper of course."


Done. Fuck croutons. Little pieces of shit-sellout soulless stale bread:

"As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him"
John 13:27

Fuck, there isn't anything I hate more. Sure, terrorists and communism and the Yankees, but we're (arguably) taking care of all those things. Nothing, unfortunately, is being done about the fucking cataclysm that is the crouton. No one has said anything to start what is a very necessary war - until now.

All great military strategists followed one of the most ancient principles of war, Sun Tzu's "Know Your Enemy." General Macarthur read Mein Kampf and all of his other enemies' books so as to better understand how they'd make decisions. The most brilliant modern day strategist, Robert Greene has this to say from 33 Strategies of War:

"The target of your strategies should be less the army you face than the mind of man or woman woman who runs it. If you understand how that mind works, you have the key to deceiving and controlling it. Train yourself to read [croutons,] picking up the signals they unconsciously send about their innermost thoughts and intentions...by finding your opponents' psychological weaknesses, you can work to unhinge their minds."

Two important goals: Firstly, figure out who or what nation is the puppetmaster behind the atrocity of the sheer existence of the crouton. Secondly, we've got to get inside the heads and figure out exactly what they want. And so, I've done some of the preliminary research and analysis on these fuckers.

Wiki Croutons:

"The word crouton is derived from the French croûte, meaning 'crust.'"

No surprises there. Cheese-eating surrender monkeys fucking up the name and packaging and presentation of something that was fine as it was (bread), along the likes of water (now bottled and named and exploited) and...crepes (toss whatever the fuck you want in some dough.)

"A crouton is a small piece of sautéed or rebaked bread."

What the shit does rebaked mean? What was wrong the first time around? Some jackass french bakery owner who couldn't manage his business well enough (because he didn't want to do any work) had a shitload of bread left over, so he decided to cube it up, dunk it in some olive oil and spices, toss it the oven, and dupe everyone into thinking it was a brilliant complement to a salad. Fuck you, frenchman.

"A dish prepared à la Grenobloise has a garnish of small croutons along with brown butter, capers, parsley, and lemon."

Only pretentious assholes hold croutons in any reasonable regard. The rest of those garnishes in that "a la gremlins" nonsense are legitimate upgrades for your food. They come in a form thats been altered only once, not having undergone so many metamorphoses that it's totally unrecognizable from its original form. Spending money on croutons whether on your salad or by actually purchasing them, you are making a blatant statement that you are so affluent with so much discretionary income that you can buy stale, dry, worthless bread - aka trash. Fuck you, you elitist prick.

"Nearly any type of unsweetened bread, in a loaf or pre-sliced, with or without crust, may be used to make croutons."

See, a blatant statement about how worthless croutons are. In econ, scarcity increases value. The less of something there is, the higher the price, the more work and resources you're willing to commit to glean whatever utility you desire from it. Steak over burgers for example. You pay more for a nicer cut of beef that's not processed, you spend more time and effort marinating and cooking it to your desired specifications, and you generally regard steak with higher standards and an understanding that you'll enjoy it more than a burger. Not croutons. "...nearly any time of unsweetened bread" - no fucking variety or originality or important characteristics distinguish them. The unique, specialized, highly valued breads from which they came no longer matter. It's all the same shit in crouton form, and accordingly tastes like its valued. As shit.

So what's to be done? The tricky part is that these things survive better than roaches. Most food - that is, nourishing, soulful and essential food - has to be stored in some particular fashion to preserve taste and freshness. Not croutons. Stale, dry, decrepit, and worthless - that's how the crouton is supposed to be - it can't go bad. Makes storage pretty easy.

"Monseuir Pierre, we 'ave no more plastic bags or refrigora
tion space for ze croutons!"

"Fuck off, boy. Can't you see it is noon and I 'ave finished working for 'ze day?! Don't bother me with your petty problems, or you'll have to go be unemployed with 'ze other nine percent of ze country. Throw ze croutons in the stable with ze donkeys. We'll say ze 'orrible smell is a new flavor!"


Remind me not to try writing fiction. Whatever, the point is, fuck croutons, they're worthless. If your bread is stale, give it to a homeless shelter. Ship it off to North Africa. Throw it the fuck away. Do not buy into this uppity fad that's been around for decades too long. I'm declaring war on croutons, and in this war we are like Sith Lords, we only deal in absolutes. You're either with us and for the proliferation of a croutonless world, or you're against us and will be dealt with accordingly. The choice is yours.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Shitty Days

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, everything around you goes to shit. You try to remind yourself how temporary all of this is - how in the grand scheme letting the little things get to you is just a total waste of time - but still, rising above the fray is not a skill easily acquired.

Religious folk and alcoholics resort to the Serenity Prayer:

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

Cute. But if you're a badass you go to the awesomeness that is Marcus Aurelius:

"...when jarred, unavoidably, by circumstances, revert at once to yourself, and don't lose the rhythm more than you can help. You'll have a better grasp of the harmony if you keep going back to it..."

Seriously, read The Meditations and you'll be able to handle any shit that comes your way. But, there is truly no better pick-me-up than what's below. (Safe for work, unless of course your boss is gay or a chick - their panties will melt and they can't be held responsible for their actions in the subsequent fits of passion.)


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Economics of the Caped Crusader

Notice the awesome product placement Chase bank – middle left. Outstanding work, you capitalist whores. (click to enlarge)


Batman - greatest superhero of all time. And don't argue that shit about the X-Men who live in a parallel universe don't fit into our concept of "time." Batman is the greatest superhero of all time, space, and any combination of any other dimensions you want to mention. Everyone knows that he's the only superhero who could reasonably exist in our world - no radioactive spiders, or a sun-enhanced biological makeup, or some fucked up HGH that turns you green. Everything about Batman is entirely reasonable and could occur in our reality. He also happens to be an economist.

The favored definition of economics is Lionel Robbins' "the science which studies human behaviour as a relationship between ends and scarce means which have alternative uses." So what do you do when you're Bruce Wayne and your fortune is more than you could reasonably spend in a lifetime? You simply dedicate your mind and body to perfecting those skills which make you a superhero. He is, in every regard, a pragmatic economist. He efficiently allocates the scarce resources he has available to enhance what he’s determined to be his comparative advantages; ultimately in what manner he deems he can add value to the world. Economists talk about societal gains all the time, where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. When each entity allocates all its resources to its comparative advantage, the resulting synergy does more for society than if each acted individually. Batman has determined his competitive advantages and plays to them accordingly. A necessary corollary to this is to have effectively defined your own personal value system.

"The only person who can truly persuade you is yourself. You must turn the issues over in your mind at leisure, consider the many arguments, let them simmer, and after a long time turn your preferences into convictions." - Milton Friedman.

He has "Bruce Wayne," his father’s namesake and fortune, to which he models himself as the dimwitted billionaire playboy. While perhaps slightly condemned for his hedonistic lifestyle, he is well-known and praised as one of Gotham's great philanthropists. There are two distinct business/econ thoughts on philanthropy; first the Milton Friedman version that corporations have a responsibility to their shareholders - that money should go right back to the board members and reinvested in the business itself. With the excess money, new jobs and businesses and opportunities can be created, and those provide better long-term societal gains than simply throwing one-time sums of money at people. On the other hand, you have Freeman's stakeholder theory as well as M.E. Porter's competitive advantage of philanthropy; both generally state that excess wealth ought to go back to the surrounding community, aiding in building public works and structures. Porter recommends strategic giving, putting the corporation in a positive light. Say Wayne Enterprises creates a grant or scholarship for aspiring engineers, the hope would be that the recipient get his degree and seeks employment with WE. The stakeholder theory advents corporate responsibility and charity, essentially investments in the surrounding functional communities. Then of course, jackasses like Ted Turner argue that you should do both, donate one-time sums and create new jobs and companies, but the argument is long and boring so read about it somewhere else. Essentially, you could argue that Bruce Wayne is a Keynesian and Batman is of the Chicago School of Economics.

So what do you do when you really have all those resources, and want to spend them on what you believe in? Well, first, you have to clearly understand and define your convictions. The young BW realizes how wrong he was in seeking revenge on his parents' murder, but it took Rachel's slap on the face and his long exile to truly realize his beliefs. So what are they? Well it’s clear that Batman believes in freedom, fairness, opportunity, pursuit of happiness, all that cool shit - founding father’s style. Rights to a fair trial. Incorruptibility – he sees the inherent flaws of the police system and therefore creates the Batman persona as a way to separate himself in his vigilante fashion. He understands the nature of incentives and that most people act in their own self-interest - the very nature of crime. He believes in justice and accountability. When Batman first came about it was in a comic book line called "Detective Series." A detective is an economist whose convictions and values lie in fighting crime, adhering to those principles of justice and all that other shit we mentioned earlier.

Last quick thoughts, the democratic government we (and supposedly Batman) consent to inherently has those checks and balances we learned about in elementary school civics classes - the notion of accountability from different angles being absolutely necessary to arrive at the best solution for the greater good. Unfortunately, this practice is incredibly inefficient. Batman is private sector - he doesn't adhere to those checks and balances, he acts on his own strategy without oversight. And so, growing technology – the true definition of private sector, and a fundamental part of the consumption function (I know it's Keynesian, but it represents the overall health of a nation; the best technological innovation always happens in the private sector)- Batman has in spades better than the gov’t funded police.

One of the fundamental economic problems of cities, specifically regarding crime rates, is limited policing. Guliani is renown for fixing this in New York by greater policing and the CompSTAT system. Batman does the same shit in Gotham - only with his own cash, technology, and ability. Everything about Batman, right down to the very style of his martial arts (whatever crazy form of jiu-jitsu they called it, its based on using agility and your opponent's strength against him rather than brute force,) reflects an exceptional, intuitive understanding of economics. Use your resources effectively, play to your comparative advantages, and do all of it within your defined set of values. And just be a downright badass. Have a lot more to say, but this is a start. Go see "The Dark Knight."

More reading:
Batman Wiki
Stakeholders and Shareholders
Older awesome article likening Batman's crusade to Baghdad - the attraction of lunacy

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Journalism's Fall

I can't help but think back to a paper I wrote my freshman year in journalism class commending W&B for their superior investigative reporting skills without a raw sense of anguish at my naivete. Sure, they brought down the President by exposing the "truth" to the public and government. They sent the country into turmoil, which hadn't even began to recover from the Vietnam crisis, and shook it's faith in the oval office. But they were not detectives, they were scavengers. They fiendishly scrounged off the stupidity of those who were too inept to understand the value in keeping your mouth shut. And their "investigative reporting skills" do not differ or amount to much more than that of a bulk magazine salesman.

Nixon did his best to protect those who were working on his behalf and to better his political career. He was simply taking care of his own. This is not to say Nixon was a great President. It wasn't by coincedence that he was crowned Tricky Dick. Nixon's inconsistencies in Vietnam screwed this country six ways from Sunday. However, morally, he maintained credibility. Nixon should be known as the man who went down without betraying those were loyal to him. And yet he met his political end at the hands of two who were only concerned with climbing the ladder to a Pulitzer, despite the guise of morality they published under.

Locke and Pope would be ashamed. Hearst, the founder of "yellow journalism", would be giddily watching his money pile up. The face of journalism has become uglier since this mid-70s phenomenon. Now journalists and "truth seekers" seem to carry a sense of childish vindication in their articles. They think the system is always broken, the good-natured senator is a criminal because he enjoys women and booze. Let me save you a headline story, everyone has flaws and skeletons in their closet. It is not the job of journalists to habitually beat this point into the ground over and over again. Do your job; report the facts as they are relevant to the public and do not speculate. If this is too great a burden, change your name to Sam Spade, get a detective's license, and stop the charade.

Traditional print is on the way out - losing to weblogs, regular television news is passed over for the Colbert Report and comedians - mainstream media is dead. Mainstream journalism's fall is a good thing - maybe now we can actually get closer to some untempered truth.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Korea at Night

Below is a really cool satellite image of Korea (North and South) taken at night. It serves as a great visual comparative example of the wealth and health of a nation whose embraced capitalist and democratic policies, with that of a nation without such freedoms. There's hundreds of comparative statistics from population, birth and mortality rates, caloric intake, GNP per capita, and even physical stature of the citizens of each country. (S. Koreans average like half an inch taller than their grass-eating counterparts.)The societal health statistics of the overall South Korean nation absolutely dwarf those of the N. Korea.

You may hear that that tiny speck of light in the North is the nation's capitol of Pyonyang, but we've done our research and discovered that it's actually Kim Jong-Il sitting on a pile of nukes, in a very well-lit room, masturbating to his own reflection - as a string quartet plays The Red Flag.


Thursday, July 10, 2008

On the Title

I first came across this song in Jimmy Buffet's novel A Salty Piece of Land, where the ex-pat, cowboy, and patron of the Church of Mark Twain named Tully Mars hears it during an idyllic spring break scene with a gorgeous girl (half his age and out of his league) just before he finds himself very much "…an innocent bystander, stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Since the album Excitable Boy came out nearly a decade before I was born, my knowledge of Warren Zevon never went further than "Werewolves of London;" a song I discovered a kid listening to the oldies station on a trip home from visiting my grandparents. It was awesome, a dude howling and singing about "Werewolves of Thunder;" sounded like it could be one of my Saturday morning cartoons at the time. Only when I revisited the song in college did I learn the real lyrics in all their macabre, hysterical, and culturally-observant brilliance. Isn't it strange though? Something can be clear and ordinary one moment, but at another point in your lifetime, your entire outlook changes – you realize the provincial nature of your youth. Time, observation, and experience drastically alter perspectives.

So, as we argued and discussed various ideas for what would be the title of this blog, I realized that I'd been listening to that solution every morning before I started my day. It fits precisely with what this blog means to address. Here's a guy, presumably pretty young, who’s had some experiences but craves even more, and despite having no malicious intent, he finds himself in these ridiculous situations which require at least one, but more likely some combination of the three catholicons he requests. That's the intended content and demographic of this blog: half-cocked, gambling adventurers who have some experience but know there's so much more to understand and discover about the world. And, like the song's protagonist, we learn that nearly all the worldly troubles and their respective solutions can be viewed through the clear metaphor of “lawyers, guns, and money.” His issues are commonplace – we all find ourselves in situations that make us feel like victims, but with dutiful observation and disciplined, logical thinking, we can see how those outcomes are results of our own actions, whether or not we meet our intended consequences.

The three catholicons:

"Lawyers," already with the convenient stereotype of bottom-feeding scumbags, represent a variety of concepts to address: reading, writing, and interpretation (and too often misinterpretation,) forms of government, political ideologies, and the fine art of negotiation.

"Guns" serves to cover the innate human affinity for competition. Competition erupts into a thousand different forms – war, strategy, winning, losing – and knowing when to quit. Power exists as the backbone of all conflict in the world – great or small, human beings naturally struggle for dominance and control.

“Money,” as the most omnipresent of the three, money inextricably ties all of the three together at some level or another. Discussions of economics, capitalism, finance, power, resources, et al. will pervade every dimension of this blog.

Look at the world through the prism of the three perspectives above. Consider this a call-to-arms; when the content of these posts inspire any questions, thoughts, or comments, post them or e-mail us. Discuss, argree, argue - whatever your thoughts, share them. Above all, enjoy and be entertained.